Feels Like Home
by SaraLyleth
Summary: Ryan finds moving on after Marissa's death even harder when he begins to have feelings for someone else.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my first O.C. story but not my first fanfiction story. But after watching the new season of O.C. I had to jump on the bandwagon and join in on all the fun. Now don't get me wrong, I was a huge Ryan/Marissa fan but looking back their relationship was always so serious and angst filled. But Ryan/Taylor is fun and it makes Ryan seem like he's happy and I like it. I really do so now I am also a Ryan/Taylor fan. So this is a Ryan/Taylor story. If you don't like that, please give it a chance. Thank you so much. R and R please.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C. but I wish I did.**

**Chapter 1**

Seth knocked after opening the door to the pool house. He smiled when he saw Ryan staring off into space with a weird look on his face. "So Ryan, you missed a great party last night."

"Party," Ryan mumbled still lost in his own thoughts.

"Yeah, turns out Little Coop through a big bash last night and then called the cops because she thought it was lame," Seth said sitting down chuckling at the memory of Kaitlyn standing in the middle of the living room as the police ushered everybody out.

"Hmmm," Ryan said still seeing Taylor flirting with Roger the night before. He should be happy that she'd moved on but instead he wanted to go back in time and punch Roger.

"I talked to Taylor last night," Seth continued talking knowing eventually Ryan would tune in to what he was saying. "She told me this great story about you and her 'hanging out'," he said using air quotes.

"Taylor…what about Taylor?" Ryan asked looking over at Seth. "How long have you been here?" he asked confused.

"On Earth or in the pool house?" Seth asked laughing when Ryan through one of his pillows at him. "So care to tell me why you're so distracted today?"

"No," Ryan said closing his eyes.

"Well then why don't you tell me how you could let me go on and on about Summer and me last night and then let me walk out of here without telling me you had a date with Taylor?" Seth asked sounding outraged.

Ryan opened one eye and saw he was serious and groaned. "I did not have a date with Taylor…not exactly."

"Oh excuse me 'hanging out'," Seth said using air quotes again.

"We were going to watch a movie and eat popcorn," Ryan explained but then something occurred to him, "what exactly did Taylor say?"

"Even less than you surprisingly," Seth said in disgust. "Who knew Taylor could keep a secret."

"It's not a secret," Ryan said shaking his head. "I thought maybe it would be fun to hang out and so we did for awhile."

"Ryan Ryan Ryan," Seth said sadly. "In order for me to be able to make fun of you I need all the details."

Ryan looked at Seth and he knew even before he opened his mouth he would be making a mistake but he had to talk to someone. Kirsten and Sandy's advice the day before had been well good but he still didn't know what to do. "I kissed Taylor."

"On you date," Seth said sitting up. He had thought maybe he would have a couple funny Taylor stories but this…this was something else.

"No, I kissed Taylor the night she brought me the tea," Ryan said quietly.

"You kissed Taylor days ago and didn't tell me," Seth said trying to do the whole outrage thing again but then he rolled his eyes. "Forget that; tell me…how was it?"

"It was…" Ryan said searching for the right words. "Different."

"Not quite the word I was going for," Seth said leaning back. "Well I knew it was wishful thinking on Dad's part when he said you two looked good together. I mean its Taylor."

"What does that mean exactly?" Ryan asked looking confused.

"What?"

"You said 'it's Taylor.' What does that mean?" Ryan asked.

"Uh…it means that Taylor is weird and rarely do we understand the way her mind works. I mean she's probably already run off to a foreign country and got married again," Seth said chuckling.

"I feel bad for her," Ryan said making it Seth's turn to look confused.

"For Taylor," Seth said in disbelief. "If there ever was a person who could take care of themselves it's Taylor Townsend."

"I don't know," Ryan said shaking his head. "I think it's a front…a cover up."

"Then it's a damn good one," Seth said. "But now that you seem to be returning to the land of the living, it's time for the gang to hang out again. With Summer kicked out of school and me not going to college until next fall, the gang is back."

Ryan nodded but his mind was still wrapped up in Taylor. Last night she'd looked so happy with Roger but he'd thought that maybe she'd felt something more for him. It had been so long since somebody had looked at him the way Taylor had right before she'd suggested they kiss. And while they were dancing, they'd had the best conversation he'd had with somebody since he'd moved back into the Cohen's.

A part of him didn't know what to do. He missed Marissa with every breath he took and his heart broke every time he remembered carrying her from the burning jeep. Sometimes he found himself looking for her or wanting to call her.

He wasn't ready to move on with somebody, not even Taylor. It didn't matter how she could make him smile with just one grin or that she made his heart speed up whenever he saw her. He just wasn't ready to let go of Marissa. Sometimes he didn't think he ever would be.

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"Taylor!" Summer yelled making her way around the house trying to locate her friend. She finally stumbled upon her in the living room watching some dumb talk show. "What are you doing?"

"Watching these women find out who their baby's daddy is," Taylor said staring at the TV in a trance.

"Okay but why?" Summer asked sitting down beside her.

"Nothing else to do," Taylor said shrugging her shoulders.

"Nothing to do," Summer said reaching for the remote. "You could go shopping or go see a movie or I don't know, go talk to Ryan about your feelings."

"He's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't care," Taylor said not even protesting when Summer shut off the TV.

"No he didn't," Summer said rolling her eyes.

"He's scared of me Summer. He ran away from me on our one and only…whatever it is and didn't even bat an eye when I pretended to be on a date the next night," Taylor said turning to face Summer with tears in her eyes. "I know I scare people but I never thought he'd be scared. I just wanted him to like me and now he….doesn't."

Summer sighed. "I admit that it may look like he's running and that he is scared but I am positive that it isn't you. I have a feeling it has something to do with him and with…Marissa."

"You do," Taylor said thoughtfully.

"Speaking for myself…I could barely talk to Seth about things and I love him. I have this big whole in my heart where she is and I have a feeling with Ryan, it's even bigger. He loved her so much Taylor," Summer said wiping away a stray tear. "So even if he does feel something towards you, he's going to fight it."

"Then the best thing I can do is to back off," Taylor said seriously.

"How do you figure?" Summer asked confused.

"Because he needs to work through his feelings on his own." Taylor stood up and made her way out of the room. She stopped in the doorway and turned so she was facing Summer. "I really like him and if I want him to like me then I have to let him get there on his own. I can't force it. No matter how much I want to go over there and be his sleep therapist again."

"You did what!" Summer yelled laughing following her out of the room.

Taylor smiled as they left the house to go out to lunch. It was going to be nice having Summer home again to hang out with. She missed having friends and Seth and Summer had been the closest thing she'd ever had. She didn't want to mess this up and if she pushed herself on Ryan, she might lose not only him but her friendship with Seth and Summer. So she had to back off, even though she didn't want to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the latest update. Thank you to everybody who reviewed. I was blown away by the response and I am so glad there are more Ryan/Taylor fans out there. I love the way she makes him seem so relaxed and happy. It feels like forever since he genuinely smiled. They are so cute together. So this is a Ryan/Taylor story everybody, my newest favorite couple.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star but I wish I did.**

**Chapter 2**

"Princess Sparkle is still mad at Captain Oats for making fun of her hairdo last night," Summer said smiling into the phone.

"Captain Oats wants to apologize but he feels he has to do it in person," Seth said.

"Princess Sparkle still doesn't think he'll mean it," Summer said picking up her brush to fix her hair.

"Why don't we meet at neutral territory and they can both talk it out amongst themselves?" Seth asked.

Summer wanted to laugh but she held it in. "I think that might work, why not lunch at the Diner on the pier?"

"Sounds great," Seth said making a mental note. "Captain Oats is looking forward to apologizing." There was silence and then Seth added, "And so am I because you looked beautiful last night."

"You said I looked like a peacock," Summer said rolling her eyes.

"A cute peacock," Seth said making Summer chuckle.

Summer opened her mouth but saw Taylor walk past her bedroom and hurried to the hallway. "Where are you off to so early?"

Taylor smiled as she turned around to face Summer. "I'm off to find a job."

"A job," Summer said confused. Taylor needed a job?

"Now that I am officially on my own I need to do something or I'll go crazy. Getting a job is another step towards complete independence," Taylor explained.

"What kind of a job?" Summer asked forgetting that Seth was still talking to her on her cell phone.

"Hopefully one that will challenge me." Taylor turned to go with a wave but Summer had an idea.

"Well, why don't you meet me and Cohen for lunch at the Diner on the pier after your job search?" Summer asked hopefully.

"Okay," Taylor said nodding.

"I never thought the day would come where my girlfriend would ignore me for Taylor Townsend," Seth was saying when Summer put her Cell back to her ear.

"Oh be quiet Cohen," Summer said making sure Taylor was walking out the front door before telling him the plan. "I need you to invite Ryan to lunch with us."

"Okay but didn't you just invite Taylor?" Seth asked confused.

"Yeah," Summer said.

"I thought Taylor wanted to back off and let Ryan get over Marissa," Seth said even more confused. "Isn't this sort of pushing them together?"

"Exactly," Summer said. "But I want the four of us to be able to hang out…it could sort of be like old times with just a quirkier fourth person."

"Taylor is more than quirky she's just plain weird," Seth said pretending to shudder.

"Whatever just ask Ryan to lunch," Summer said rolling her eyes. "I'm going to go though, I have to call my Dad and tell him the latest."

"Alright," Seth said still shaking his head as he hung up the phone. He couldn't believe Summer was trying to match make Ryan and Taylor. He still thought those two together was a little too weird but when his girlfriend made a request…err demand, he listened. When Summer was happy, Seth was happy.

"Ryan," Seth called after opening the door to the pool house.

"Gotta go," Ryan said grabbing his sweatshirt before he pushed past Seth and out of the pool house.

"Wait man," Seth said jogging to catch up. "I just want to know if you'll meet Summer and me for lunch."

"I'm working today," Ryan said heading toward the front door.

"Great bring me home some nachos but don't you get a lunch break," Seth said following him to his car.

"Fine yeah I'll go," Ryan said climbing into the driver's side.

"Great one at the Diner on the Pier," Seth said nodding as he backed away so Ryan could back out of the driveway. After he was gone, Seth took a deep breath and then headed back inside. He'd done his part, Summer would handle the rest.

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"Are you sure he said he'd come?" Summer asked looking out the window.

"He said and I quote 'yeah fine, I'll go' end of quote," Seth said for the fifth time.

"He's late," Summer said pursing her lips in annoyance.

"He'll get here when he gets here," Seth said opening his menu.

"I wanted him to be here first," Summer explained.

"Hey guys," Taylor said walking over to the table.

"Hey Taylor," Summer said seeing her plan already falling apart. "How goes the job hunt?"

"Not very well," Taylor said making a face. "Nobody is hiring right now or if they are, I definitely don't want the job."

"So Taylor is entering the work force," Seth said nodding his head. "Well I'd hire you at the Comic Book Shop but then I'd have to fire Roger or I and I can't do that."

"It's okay," Taylor said opening her menu.

"Hey sorry I'm late," Ryan said freezing when he noticed Taylor. He couldn't believe she was sitting there, well, looking at Seth's guilty face, he could believe it. After thinking about her for the last 48 hours, seeing her made a part of him want to smile and sit beside her but another part of him wanted to run.

"Ryan," Taylor said standing up. "I didn't know you'd be here," she added shooting a glare at Summer.

"That's funny, I didn't know you'd be here either," Ryan replied. After another uncomfortable silence went by he opened his mouth to make some dumb excuse but Taylor beat him to it.

"Oh crap," she said grabbing her purse. "I totally forgot I have an interview…at this cute little shop but it's on the other side of town so I have to go." She turned to go but Summer stopped her.

"I thought you said nobody was hiring," Summer said pointedly, she could see through her lie.

"I forgot about this place," Taylor said quickly. "Yeah it's new and I really hope they like me."

"Taylor I'll go," Ryan said realizing she was lying. "I should get back to work anyway."

"No Ryan," Taylor said shaking her head. "You stay, they're your best friends, and you belong here." With that said she turned and left without another look.

"Great job Atwood," Summer said taking her anger out on him even though she was mad at herself.

"What'd I do?" Ryan asked taking his seat.

"Nothing," Seth said before Summer could say anything. "It's mine and Summer's fault for not telling you that we invited you both."

"She didn't have to go," Ryan said softly.

"Yeah she did," Summer said crossing her arms over her chest. She was pouting, she admitted it but she had hurt her friends feelings and she didn't know what to do.

"I didn't tell her to go," Ryan said defensively.

"But she's backing off," Summer said before closing her eyes. Nobody should tell her anything anymore. She couldn't keep a secret even if her life depended on it. "Can you pretend I didn't say that?"

"No explain," Ryan said taking Summer's menu away when she tried to hide behind it.

"Taylor is backing off…of you. She is going to stay away from you and let you get over Marissa on your own time," Summer said after a moment. Ryan wouldn't let her leave without hearing all of it anyway. "I tried to explain that that could be years but she is stubborn and doesn't want to be pushy."

"Taylor not wanting to be pushy," Ryan said looking like he didn't believe her.

"Yes which is hard for her so she can't be around you, hence the leaving," Summer said gesturing to the door.

"Hence," Seth said smirking. He loved it when Summer used new words.

"Yeah Tyra Banks used it on her show today and I liked it," Summer said smiling at him.

"Maybe she's right," Ryan said still thinking about Taylor and her plan of backing off.

"Of course she's right," Summer said remembering the Tyra show today. "Those girls are being stupid drinking and carrying on like a bunch of skanks and whores." When Ryan and Seth just stared at her, she made a face. "So, okay you were talking about Taylor…got it."

"I do need to deal with my feelings for Marissa on my own," Ryan said frowning when he pictured Marissa's face. He had been having trouble the last couple of days picturing her happy or even smiling. He could only see her after the crash…when she was dead in his arms.

"She's gone Ryan," Summer said coldly. "She's never coming back and you just need to realize that and move on."

"Summer," Seth said his heart breaking for the pain in her eyes. She was telling Ryan the same thing she had been telling herself since it happened but thinking that way, wasn't going to help them move on.

"No Cohen," Summer said glaring at them both. "She's gone guys; she's not coming back…it doesn't matter how much we want her to. So get over her Ryan, move on and get a life." With that said she stood up and stormed out of the Diner slamming the door behind her.

Seth sighed and put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Sorry man, she's still a little angry and she doesn't deal with her anger very well."

"It's okay," Ryan said but her words had hurt him. He couldn't just get over Marissa she was…his everything. He loved her and he didn't know how to stop loving her. And he didn't know if he ever wanted to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everybody! I was so happy to see people reviewing and actually liking the story. I was a little worried about the Ryan/Taylor relationship but everybody seems to be embracing it. Yeah!!! Well I have the next couple chapters already written but I'm going to wait and see how everybody responds to this one and then post them. :) So Read and Review please!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C.**

**Chapter 3**

Taylor Townsend hated feeling sorry for herself. She usually never wasted her time because she'd learned at a young age that it never helped. So she'd built this wall where protecting herself from that certain emotion and she'd lived her life being confident. She'd never let anyone see that she hated not having friends, that she really cared that her mom spent most of her time hating her or that she'd never had a real boyfriend. If you let yourself care about those things then you opened yourself up to be hurt even more.

However, today having just left the only three people in the whole world who she considered her friends, made her realize how much she had let them in. Summer was the closest thing she'd ever had to a best friend and even knowing that she'd never replace Marissa, that she would never be Summer's best friend, she could pretend.

Then there's Seth Cohen, the nerdy, comic book loving, sailor freak that she'd once thought she was attracted too. Now she knew that she'd just liked having somebody be nice to her. Somebody acting like they really cared what she thought and felt. Seth had been one of the first people to introduce her to a life of having friends. She hated knowing she had to back off him too along with Ryan.

Last but definitely not least, there was Ryan. She'd never really thought of Ryan as anything other than Seth's friend for a long time. He was just there, as wallpaper or a fake plant used for decoration. But after that first kiss, after he'd rescued her from her own stupid mistake, she'd seen him in a different light. He wasn't the bad boy from Chino. He hadn't been Marissa's on again off again boyfriend or just Seth's friend. He was so much more than that.

But now that she'd pushed herself on him like she always ended up doing; that was her Ms. Pushy too shoes. She couldn't even hang out with him like a friend anymore. He couldn't even sit down with her for lunch. She'd wrecked a friendship with somebody who would have been one of the best friends she could have asked for.

So that's why she sat at the counter of the coffee shop, feeling sorry for herself for the first time. Because she'd wrecked something good for something that she'd known hadn't stood a chance. "I'm so stupid," Taylor mumbled to herself wiping away a stray tear.

"Taylor," Kirsten said walking over with a latte in her hand. "I never got to say thank you for attending our little party the other night. It was very nice of you to come."

"Your welcome," Taylor said quietly wishing she could just pour her heart out to Kirsten but she was Ryan's Mom or guardian. Whatever she was, she belonged to Ryan.

"Is something wrong?" Kirsten asked sitting down beside her. "Is it your mom again because I can talk to her…if you want?"

"No it's not my mom," Taylor said shaking her head. "For the first time in a long time, it's not my mom. It's nothing."

"Is it Ryan?" Kirsten asked softly.

Taylor looked at her and felt even more tears start to fall. For a girl who didn't cry all that often, she was really making up for it. "I can't talk to you."

"Why can't you?" Kirsten asked handing her a couple napkins so she could mop up her face.

"Because you're Ryan's…what exactly are you?" Taylor asked confused setting down the napkins.

"On paper I'm his guardian but I like to believe I'm his Mom," Kirsten told her smiling.

"Well that's why I can't talk to you," Taylor said wiping away even more tears that fell.

"Just because I'm Ryan's Mom doesn't mean you can't talk to me," Kirsten said shaking her head. "I may be more inclined to be on his side in most things but not when it comes to girls. He's a guy Taylor, girls have to stick together."

"It's not his fault though," Taylor said vehemently. "It's mine because I'm a pushy too shoes."

"A what," Kirsten said laughing. "Taylor, you aren't a pushy too shoes or whatever that is. You like him and you just want him to like you."

"I'm so stupid," Taylor said seriously. "I mean, I actually thought he could like me as more than a friend or more than somebody he has to rescue."

"He does like you Taylor," Kirsten said confused.

"Yeah that's why he's constantly running away from me," Taylor said shaking her head no. "But I shouldn't be surprised that he called me weird and that he doesn't like me. Nobody likes me; I'm like the town leper or something."

"People like you," Kirsten said smiling reassuringly.

"My own Mother doesn't even like me," Taylor said glaring down at her full cup of coffee that she hadn't even touched.

"Well I know Ryan likes you because he told me he likes you," Kirsten said making Taylor's head whip around to face her.

"He told you…when?" she asked hopefully.

"After the night of New Match's party," Kirsten said but looked confused again when Taylor's smile went away.

"While he doesn't anymore, he thinks I'm weird but how can I blame him?" Taylor said feeling even more depressed. He'd liked her before their one and only date but of course she wrecked that.

"He doesn't think you're weird," Kirsten said taking a sip of her latte.

"Kirsten, everybody thinks I'm weird," Taylor said staring at her as if she was crazy.

"So you are eccentric Taylor, the best people usually are," Kirsten pointed out.

"Well tell that to the businesses around town," Taylor said rolling her eyes. "Nobody will hire me because I'm too…well weird is what they were thinking but not what they said. I don't fit anybody's mold of an employee. I can't even get a waitress job at the local dive."

"Why do you need a job?" Kirsten asked confused again.

"I want to really be independent," Taylor said softly. "I just don't feel comfortable living off of my Mom anymore since she's made it perfectly clear I'm not welcome near her. I'd rather be living off my own money when she inevitably cuts me off."

"Well why didn't you come to me when you needed a job?" Kirsten asked smiling as she got a great idea.

"So I could be your housekeeper," Taylor said confused. What kind of job would Kirsten have to offer? "Or maybe your cook?"

"I meant come to New Match," Kirsten explained. "Julie and I were talking about hiring a secretary so we didn't have to take all the calls ourselves and we could work on just the matchmaking part of the job."

"Are you sure this isn't just a made up job that you are giving to me out of pity?" Taylor asked suspiciously.

"Well maybe we talked about it in the future kind of way but we can hire one now," Kirsten said truthfully. "C'mon Taylor, what have you got to lose?"

"Nothing," Taylor admitted sadly. "Okay I will but only on a trial basis. If you don't like me or how I do the job after two weeks, you have to fire me."

"Alright, but Taylor," Kirsten said standing up. "I already like you and I have a feeling you are just what New Match needs."

Taylor watched Kirsten walk away and she smiled. She'd solved one problem on a long list of problems she had to check off. Now if only Kirsten could go talk to her mother about getting her stuff out of her house. That would really take a load off Taylor's shoulders.

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"Boys!" Kirsten called as she walked into the house.

"There in the pool house," Sandy said from the kitchen. He smiled when Kirsten walked into the room and leaned in for a kiss.

"Why don't we do Chinese for dinner?" Kirsten said setting her purse down on the counter.

"Long day?" Sandy asked grabbing the Chinese takeout menu from the drawer.

"Not really," she said shaking her head. "But I do have to go talk to Ryan for a minute."

"Seth's there you know," Sandy teased. "You can't be the Seth replacement if the real Seth is already there."

"Haha," Kirsten said rolling her eyes. "No, I have to talk to him like a Mom would."

"Oh," Sandy said nodding. "Gotcha. I'll order dinner."

Kirsten made her way out to the pool house, knocked politely, and waited until Ryan said come in to open the door. Ryan was lying on his bed reading a book and Seth was on his cell probably talking to Summer.

"Ryan, can we talk for a sec?" Kirsten asked walking over to one of the chairs so she could sit down.

"Gotta go Sum, Ryan might be in trouble," Seth said hanging up the phone. He sat forward so he wouldn't miss any of the juicy details.

"Seth maybe you should go," Kirsten said wanting to laugh at the look of shock on his face.

"Mom, anything you have to say to Ryan you can say in front of me," he said looking at Ryan for support.

"He can stay," Ryan said setting his book down. He hadn't done anything wrong so it couldn't be that bad. Plus, anything she said, he'd just tell Seth about it later.

"Okay," Kirsten said before getting to the point. "What exactly happened between you and Taylor?"

Ryan froze and it was his turn to look at Seth for support but he just shook his head and mouthed I don't know. He sighed, "we hung out but it was too weird."

"So you did call her weird," Kirsten said surprised.

"No not her," Ryan said shaking his head. "I was talking about the da-hanging out thing, was weird. It just didn't feel right sitting there pretending like I was interested in her when I'm hung up on Marissa."

"Ryan you are interested in her," Kirsten said shaking her head sadly. She felt bad for both Taylor and him. Taylor because it was the worst time for her to fall for Ryan and Ryan because he's been so lost and alone since Marissa died. "You may not want to be interested but you are."

"Well I don't feel comfortable doing anything about it," Ryan pointed out.

"Okay then," Kirsten said standing up to go. "Oh before I go, I just thought I should tell you that Taylor is now working for New Match, so she might be around the house from time to time."

"Okay," Ryan said nodding his head.

Seth waited until his Mom had left before turning to Ryan. "How completely random of my Mom to come out here and ask you about Taylor huh?"

Ryan closed his eyes. "Not that random actually." When Seth just looked confused, he knew he was going to have to explain. "Kirsten actually was the first to know that I sort of like Taylor."

"You told my mom before me," Seth said shocked.

"Yeah and well Sandy," Ryan said softly.

"How could you tell them something that major?" Seth asked standing up.

"Well they came to me and wanted to each be the new Seth because the real Seth, you, was leaving for school soon," Ryan explained.

"They auditioned to take my place," Seth said opening and closing his mouth so he looked like a fish.

"I guess you could look at it that way," Ryan said shrugging his shoulders.

Seth just stood there before walking out of the pool house. He couldn't believe his parents sometimes. He had to go find them and tell them about this new invention called the telephone and that just because he would have been on the other side of the country, didn't mean he couldn't still be Ryan's wingman. His parents could be so…so…old.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everybody, I just wanted to let you know that I posted another story, a one shot, called Chrismukkah. I hope you all check it out. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, it's great to read them. They really inspire me.**

**Chapter 4**

"Chrismukkah, Chrismukkah," Seth sang walking into the kitchen the next morning. "Chrismukkah all the way."

"Somebody's excited this year," Sandy said pouring some coffee into his mug.

"What are you talking about?" Seth asked confused. "I'm excited every year. This is the best holiday ever."

"Seth going on and on about Chrismukkah again?" Ryan asked walking in from the pool house.

"One day you will fully embrace the true Chrismukkah spirit my friend," Seth warned going for the last blueberry bagel. "And on that day my work will be complete."

"Yeah sure," Ryan said rolling his eyes at Sandy who just smiled.

Seth took a seat at the table and watched Ryan get his favorite chocolate chip bagel out of the basket and ready to toast when Kirsten walked into the room mumbling under her breath about wreaths or something. "Something bothering you Mom?"

"Just Julie worried we won't have enough wreaths at the New Match annual Christmas party," she said before leaning over to give Sandy a kiss.

"Annual? Isn't this you first Christmas party?" Ryan asked confused.

"Okay yes it is but we plan on having one every year from now," Kirsten said quickly biting her lip when they all stared at her. "I know you can't call it an annual when it's the first year but I'm just being optimistic that New Match will still be here next year and the year after that."

"Of course it will hon," Sandy said rubbing her back reassuringly. "Everybody loves New Match."

"Yeah Mom, as long as there are single people in Newport, New Match will surrvive," Seth said nodding at her.

"Great," Kirsten said smiling. "Also, you are all attending."

"Mom," Seth groaned. "I'm sure I'll be too busy to attend another New Match party."

"No you won't because Summer already told me you'd both be there," Kirsten said smiling smugly down at her son.

"Damn," Seth said shaking his head. "My girlfriend and I need to have a long discussion on agreeing to things without getting one anothers permission."

"Didn't you say yes to one of your comic book friends that you and Summer would go to some dumb comic book reading?" Ryan asked his eyes twinkling because he knew he'd got him with that one.

"That's different," Seth said seriously. "Comic books are interesting. New Match parties are like a meat market and every single person is a prime cut slab of beef or something. Plus, I'm not single so why should I go?"

"To support your Mom," Sandy chimed in. "So yes you will be going. I'll be there to dear, just tell me when and where."

"Eight o'clock on Friday night at that new place Flavor Factory," Kirsten said hiding her face because she knew they would all be staring at her again.

"Mom that place sounds," Seth said grimacing.

"Great," Sandy said shooting him a glare even though he'd been grimacing too. "Bye everybody," he said before walking out of the room, soon they heard the front door shut.

"I don't know if I'll be coming," Ryan said taking a drink of his orange juice.

"Oh why not," Kirsten said disappointed. "Do you have to work?"

"No, I'm on day's right now," Ryan said wishing he could lie but he always felt horrible lying to Kirsten. Almost like he'd kicked a puppy or ran over a turtle.

"Do you have a date?" Kirsten asked confused.

"No," Ryan said his mind picturing Taylor in that sexy red dress but he shook his head to clear the image. "I just don't want to go, the last one was a little.."

"Weird," Seth said helpfully. "Strange, gross-"

"Seth enough," Kirsten said more sharply then she intended but it worked. He quit talking but was sulking. "I know the thing with Taylor is making you a little confused but I promise you that she'll be on her best behavior."

"You invited her too," Seth said staring at his Mom wondering if she was trying to play match maker.

"She works for New Match Seth," Kirsten said closing her eyes for a moment. She seriously wondered if he ever listened to her when she was talking. "But she'll be busy helping Julie and I run the party to bother you. Besides, she's backing off I thought."

"Now how did you know that? Did she tell you that too at your cozy little lunch?" Seth asked causing both Ryan and Kirsten to stare at him. "Sorry, still a little bitter about you trying to replace me."

"Seth," Kirsten said exasperated. "Summer told me a little bit but nothing major. I don't know all the secrets."

"I seriously need to talk to my girlfriend," Seth said standing up and leaving the kitchen.

"Kirsten," Ryan said quietly, "I just think it's going to be weird; the situation not Taylor."

"I hope you change your mind Ryan," Kirsten said turning to put her coffee cup in the sink. "If you don't go I think Taylor will interpret it as you running away from her though." With that said she said goodbye and walked out of the kitchen smiling. If that didn't challenge him to at least show up for a little while, she didn't know what would.

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"Kirsten," Taylor said smiling from behind her new desk. "I got you a cup of your favorite latte."

"Thank you Taylor," Kirsten said taking it from her. "But that's not what I hired you for, I can get my own coffee."

"I know you can but I was getting myself one so," Taylor said shrugging her shoulders.

Kirsten wanted to smile, Taylor sat there looking so earnest and actually looking for approval instead of just assuming she got it. Maybe her trip to Europe had changed her outlook on life.

"Taylor, did you call Ms. Stevens yet?" Julie asked walking out of her office massaging her temples.

"Yes I did," Taylor said handing her the notes she'd taken down. "She really liked Mr. Bryant but did say he was a bit too old for her taste."

"He's the same age as her," Julie said shaking her head but then groaned and held her head in her hands again.

"Late night Julie," Kirsten said smiling.

"Yes," Julie said glaring at Kirsten. "But not like you think. Kaitlyn and I stayed up late watching home movies, it was very emotional so we had a couple drinks, hers nonalcoholic, mine strong."

"I heard you downstairs but I thought you guys might have wanted privacy," Taylor chimed in softly. When Julie and Kirsten looked at her she just smiled brightly.

"You could have come down and joined us," Julie said still surprised to find she liked having Taylor as a houseguest. She was polite, clean and a damn good baker. Julie'd had to add another yogalaties class to her already packed schedule.

"No it was private," Taylor said shaking her head. "I always wanted to do those things with my mom…or the next door neighbor Mrs. Crane but I was always on a strict schedule. No TV time."

"No TV time," Kirsten said picturing Seth and Ryan sitting in front of the TV almost every night while they were in high school.

"My mom was a little strict," Taylor said speaking the obvious.

"Did you ever have any fun?" Kaitlyn asked walking into the room suprising everybody.

Taylor laughed but everybody could tell it wasn't really from humor. "No, not when I was younger. Then in junior high it's so easy to just follow the path that's been laid out before you so by the time you are in high school, you have no friends, no life and you just go through the motions." She closed her eyes hating herself for bringing up personal stuff on her first day but nobody had ever asked let alone cared to listen. "I didn't know what friends were until I started hanging out with Seth and Summer. I'd always admired them from afar but was only secretly jealous of one person."

"Marissa," Kaitlyn said softly.

"She was so beautiful Julie," Taylor said bringing tears to everybody's eyes. "But it was more than that, she was perfect. She could single handedly run Harbor without breaking a sweat, plus have a boyfriend and be the perfect daughter. I wanted to ask her what her secret was but I didn't want her to laugh at me or even worse, make me feel like an idiot."

"Marissa was not perfect," Julie said shaking her head. "I know I've been portraying her that way but she wasn't. Hell, half of her life was spent hating me, I just didn't know it until Ryan showed up."

"He changed a lot of lives by moving here," Kirsten said smiling picturing the first day Ryan had arrived at Newport. "

"Nobody's more than Marissa's," Julie said smiling too.

"God I suck," Taylor said having to change the subject. She couldn't sit here and listen to them discuss Ryan and Marissa. It was killing her. "It's my first day and I've already made you both almost cry."

"Taylor it's okay," Julie and Kirsten said it at the same time.

"Hey Taylor, lets go shopping," Kaitlyn said before anybody could say anything else.

"Hey aren't you suppose to be in school?" Julie asked her daughter suspiciously.

"Did I mention that I'm suspended for two days?" Kaitlyn said smiling innocently. When Julie looked like she was about to blow she sighed. "I was tardy okay."

"I should be grounding you," Julie said crossing her arms over her chest. "But I have a feeling it would go in one ear and out the other."

"Go Taylor," Kirsten said smiling.

"But I have to work," Taylor said looking down at her desk which was empty.

"Not today," Kirsten said shaking her head no. "Today you have to go shopping, get your nails done and just have fun. Tomorrow is soon enough to start your independence."

Taylor stared at Kirsten for a minute before grabbing her purse and standing up. She walked around the desk and surprised Kirsten by pulling her in for a hug. "Thank you," she said after pulling back. "In less than 24 hours you've managed to show me what having a good mother could have been like. Ryan and Seth are really lucky. If they ever doubt that, send them to live with my Mom for a day."

Kirsten watched as Taylor walked out of New Match listening to Kaitlyn with a bittersweet smile on her face. "I like her more and more every day that I talk to her."

Julie rolled her eyes and turned to head back in her office. "Great, but since you just sent our secretary out for the day; you get to answer the phone all day."

Kirsten walked into her office and sat down behind her desk and looked at the only picture she had of Ryan and Seth on her desk. Taylor had been right in saying they were lucky but Kirsten thought she was even luckier. She'd only been blessed with one kid, the best little boy she could have asked for. She'd always wanted another and it didn't matter that she didn't get her second child until he was 16. Ryan was her little boy.

If only she could open his eys and make him see Taylor as the once in a lifetime kind of woman she was. Marissa had been one too but for different reasons. Taylor made him laugh. She made him be the boy he was before the accident. He just couldn't see that yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all the reviews, I love them, they are great. I love this story and I love Ryan and Taylor. **

**Read and Review please!**

**Chapter 5**

"So you really had a bad childhood huh?" Kaitlyn said looking through a rack of clothes that was marked fifty percent off. She loved knock offs as much as she loved designer clothes. Hell, she just loved clothes.

"No not really," Taylor said shaking her head as she tried on hats. "I mean a bad childhood is like Ryan's. Mine was just unemotional."

"I guess," Kaitlyn said smiling when she found one she liked. "But I still think yours sounded pretty bad too."

"It wasn't good," Taylor admitted putting a wall up to block some of the more horrible memories. "My mom is more Drill Sergeant than Mom."

"Sounds like some of my teachers back at boarding school," Kaitlyn said making a face. "In fact I think some of them were Drill Sergeants before becoming teachers."

"Well anyways," Taylor said after she was done laughing. "I never knew I was missing anything until I started hanging out with Seth and Summer. They made me see what I was missing."

"Did you really think of Marissa that way?" Kaitlyn asked quietly. She didn't like talking about Marissa much, unless she was talking with her Mom. She hadn't known Marissa very well and she didn't like admitting that to anybody, not even to herself. Plus she'd tried talking to Summer about Marissa and that had resulted in nothing except tears and an idolized version of her sister. She knew Marissa hadn't been perfect.

"I did," Taylor said honestly. "She had the same best friend since grade school. Your parents adored her." Taylor walked over to the mirror to look at the hat. "And she had guys falling for her with just one look."

"Perfect," Kaitlyn muttered hating that she was feeling jealous of her sister.

"Oh no, your Mom was right, she wasn't perfect," Taylor said shaking her head. "She had a tendency to over dramatize things. She was always looking for the easy way out and I often thought that she believed the world revolved around her and her clique."

"But you wanted to be her," Kaitlyn said getting confused.

"I did," Taylor said again. "Mostly because of her friends and family. It was all so easy for Marissa or at least it looked like it was. I would love to have my life be easy just for a day."

"Do you think Marissa would still be alive if Ryan had never moved here?" Kaitlyn asked the one question she couldn't ask anybody else. They'd get mad at her for even suggesting that Ryan not be in Newport. But she wasn't saying she wished he'd never come. She just wanted to know if maybe his coming here had changed Marissa from who she was.

Taylor stared at Kaitlyn. They'd been shopping for almost an hour and Taylor had been treating Kaitlyn like they were best friends but the reality was she was a teenager. A young one at that and she was obviously dealing with the same thing Summer and Ryan were dealing with…Marissa. Kaitlyn didn't make it obvious that she cared but looking at her right now, you could tell.

"No, I don't," she finally said softly. "All the things that happened to Marissa, wasn't because of Ryan. Your Dad's problems, Luke and Tijuana. That all still would have happened and if Ryan hadn't been there…well you know." Taylor walked over to Kaitlyn and gave her a hug. "If anything, I think Ryan being here kept her here longer. He was constantly saving her."

Kaitlyn watched as Taylor wiped a tear from her eye before heading over to the shoe display. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed that Taylor liked Ryan. The guy she liked but didn't notice her, of course it was Ryan. He was obviously still obsessed with Marissa and couldn't see Taylor.

"How long have you liked him?" Kaitlyn asked following her.

Taylor closed her eyes. Now another person knew and she didn't want to turn and see the pity in Kaitlyn's eyes. It was bad enough that every time Seth and Summer looked at her you could see that they felt sorry for her. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"I'm fifteen, not five," Kaitlyn said rolling her eyes. "How long have you liked Ryan? Since he moved here…before the accident." Kaitlyn's eyes opened wide in shock. "Is that why you were jealous of Marissa?"

"No," Taylor said shaking her head as she whipped around. "Or at least if I did like him, I didn't let myself admit it." She smiled as she remembered the day she felt the attraction for Ryan for the first time. "It was less than a week ago that my eyes got opened by Ryan himself. He kissed me."

"He what!" Kaitlyn said surprised. If Ryan wasn't noticing her, why was he kissing her?

"Oh he only did it so I could get my divorce," Taylor said smiling sadly. "But as soon as he walked away, after the best kiss of my life mind you, I knew. He is so…Ryan. I don't know how to describe him."

"Marissa said it was the bad boy thing," Kaitlyn said remembering a long ago conversation she'd had over the phone with Marissa.

"He's not really the bad boy though," Taylor said shaking her head. "I mean, he use to be but now he's actually a great boy…err man."

"But he doesn't see you," Kaitlyn said beginning to feel bad for Taylor. It wasn't her fault she liked a guy that was still in love with her dead sister. God their lives sounded like a stupid soap opera.

"No he sees me," Taylor said. "But he sees me as another person that needs to be rescued. That doesn't know her own emotions. Plus I'm really weird if you didn't guess in the last week, and that sorta scared him off."

"You…weird," Kaitlyn said rejecting that idea. "Taylor, you are not weird. I'll give you strange but weird is why Ryan loved Marissa after all the drama she put him through."

"It's love Kaitlyn," Taylor said trying to explain something she herself didn't understand. "He loves her." She walked away then off to buy the hat.

Kaitlyn stood there wanting to go over to Ryan's and smack him upside the head. He was so stupid to be fixating on Marissa. She looked over at Taylor who was staring off into space with this pathetic lost look in her eyes. She was making Kaitlyn depressed just watching her. Somebody was going to have to do something.

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"So red tie or green tie?" Seth asked Summer holding them up so she could see.

"Uh…your Mom will kill you if you wear either," she said while flipping through the latest Cosmo.

"C'mon, it's festive," Seth said looking at the red tie, which was covered in a Surfing Santa and then the green one, which had reindeer all over them.

"While I'm not dancing with you if you wear either one then," Summer said rolling her eyes.

Seth made a face but went and put both ties away. "It's your fault for telling her we would go. I don't want to get into the whole rules thing again…mainly because I don't feel like having you beat me again. But we really need to talk about what parties are acceptable and which ones are not."

"Your Mom asked me Cohen," Summer said sitting up. "I couldn't say no, she looked so excited about the party."

"It's going to be lame," Seth warned walking back out of his closet.

"No it won't," Summer said smiling. "Taylor and Ryan are going to be there and it's going to be so fun trying to get them together."

"Problem," Seth said sitting down beside her. "Ryan's not going, he told Mom this morning."

"He has to go!" Summer cried out. "How else can I make up for that stupid lunch?"

"By leaving them alone," Seth replied lying down. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before. He'd been too busy worrying about Summer. He'd thought she had been moving on and dealing with Marissa but it was starting to look like she'd just buried it.

"I can't do that," Summer said softly When Seth didn't say anything she continued. "I miss Marissa so much Seth. She was more of a sister than a best friend. Taylor will never replace Marissa but she's been a good friend to me. I want to do this one thing for her."

"But Ryan isn't ready," Seth pointed out.

"I'm not saying they have to get married but couldn't he give her a chance. Go on a couple dates to see if it could possibly evolve into anything," Summer explained.

Seth sighed. "I get what you're saying Sum but until Ryan wants that, there's nothing we can do."

"Of course there is," Kaitlyn said walking into Seth's room. "Nice room Cohen." She looked at Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle and laughed. "Real cute."

"Princess Sparkle is not mine," Seth said quickly but then he thought of something else. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to Summer but turns out, I can talk to both of you," she said sitting down on the beanbag chair in his room.

"So you were eavesdropping," Summer said smiling.

"It's the only way you find out anything interesting," Kaitlyn said shrugging her shoulders. "But anyways, I just came from a shopping trip with Taylor and let me tell you, we need to help her."

"No we don't," Seth said starting to worry that two girls were starting to gang up on him.

"Yes we do," Kaitlyn and Summer said together.

"What's your plan?" Summer asked interested. Kaitlyn was smart for her age. Not book smart but people smart.

"Find her a date for tonight," Kaitlyn said smiling.

"Uh…that's it," Seth said after a moment of silence had gone by. "Nice try Kaitlyn but she wants Ryan and he isn't about to offer to be her date."

"I know that," Kaitlyn said slowly talking to him as if he was an idiot. "If we just bring a guy that is hot to the party for her, she will feel obligated to spend the night with him. It's been bred into her that she has to be the nice obedient girl. That in turn will either make Ryan jealous or she'll be attracted to this guy."

"Not bad," Summer said smiling. "You are definitely Julie Cooper's daughter."

"I know," Kaitlyn said proudly. She may not always get along with her Mom but she knew a strong, confident, sexy woman when she saw one. She planned to be just like her when she grew up.

"What guy?" Seth asked deciding to play the martyr still. "Besides, she could just be Roger, that's the last guy she tried to use to make him jealous."

"He's gay," Summer and Kaitlyn said together.

"How do you know this?" Seth asked confused.

"It's so obvious," Kaitlyn said smiling.

"And besides, I found him in my bed with another guy," Summer said shuddering. "That's why I had to change my sheets before I'd go to bed the night of the party."

"I thought that was because Taylor had been sleeping in there," Seth said.

"Nope," Summer said patting his knee.

"I have a guy but he's older by more than a couple years," Kaitlyn offered when they couldn't come up with any other guys. "He's my-was my tennis instructor."

"Is he hot?" Summer asked curiously.

"Of course," Kaitlyn said smiling. "If my opinion was the only one that mattered, I'd say he was hotter than Ryan."

"Oohh," Summer said smiling back at her. "Go call him and do whatever you have to do to get him to be her date. I'm going to go take care of Taylor telling her about his guy who really needs a smart, sexy date like her to take to the party." Summer stood up and turned to face Seth. "You need to go and get Ryan to go to this party."

Seth watched as Summer left his room muttering under her breath and Kaitlyn talked, more like flirted on her cell phone with this mystery guy. He took a deep breath before he got up and made his way down to the pool house. He had no idea how he was going to convince Ryan to go. He was going to need a Chrismukka miracle.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the next update everybody. I'm really getting into this story and I hope all of you are too. Didn't you just love the episode tonight. I couldn't believe that it was Ryan's father. I was blown away. What a twist...I hope he's not an ass. So yeah back to the story. Thank you for all the reviews...I loved reading them. **

**R and R please!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OC. **

**Chapter 6**

"So you are sure this guy knows that it's not a date," Taylor said walking into the club where New Match was having their party. She was wearing a new dress that Kaitlyn had picked out for her. It was hot, she'd admit that much. It was black with little spaghetti straps and with a red ribbon around the waist. It was what the critics would call a little black dress.

"I told him that you were just doing him a favor," Summer lied. She normally hated liars but in this case, it was just a little white lie. It wouldn't really hurt anybody.

"Okay," Taylor said relieved. She didn't want to go on an actual date with anyone. She just wanted to get her life in order and deal with her feelings for Ryan. This was the first time she couldn't just go get what she wanted. You couldn't make people like you, no matter how hard you tried.

"There's Seth," Summer said grabbing Taylor's hand to pull her across the room. "Hey Seth." Summer gave him a quick kiss and then saw Ryan standing behind Seth just staring at Taylor. "Oh Ryan, I didn't see you there."

"Hey Taylor," Ryan said quietly. He couldn't believe how incredibly beautiful she looked. Taylor was a beautiful girl but when she dressed up…she was gorgeous.

"Hi Ryan," Taylor said extremely uncomfortable. She should have known Summer would have planned something like this. She just wouldn't let up. She just wished that she was somewhere else at this moment in time.

"So where's this girl I'm suppose to romance," Spencer said looking down at his watch. He didn't really want to be here but Kaitlyn could be very persuasive.

"She's right there Spence," Kaitlyn said smiling politely at some of the guests. "Be nice to her Spence."

"I'm always nice," Spencer said smiling before looking in the direction Kaitlyn pointed. He stood up straighter and smiled. "She is gorgeous….so what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing," Kaitlyn said rolling her eyes. "She just has the misfortune of liking a guy that isn't capable of returning her feelings at the moment." She lead the way until they were ten feet away but then stopped. "Okay honestly, Taylor is a little different. But she's still a great person."

"Different how?" Spencer asked getting worried but Kaitlyn was already headed towards this Taylor girl and he hurried to catch up.

"Taylor hey," Kaitlyn said smiling. "Look who I found…your date." She motioned toward Spencer and winked at Taylor. Spencer was hot and if Ryan didn't get a little jealous…then he really didn't like Taylor.

"Hey Spencer is it?" Taylor asked holding out her hand. When really all she wanted to do was walk away. He looked exactly like all the guys her Mom was constantly trying to se her up with. He had trust fund written all over him.

"Hi Taylor," Spencer said grabbing her hand before pulling it closer so he could bend down and kiss it.

Taylor had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Did guys really think that worked on a girl? The truth was, moves like that, only worked if the girl liked you back. Spencer just looked like an idiot.

"Would you like to go get a drink?" Spencer asked after a moment had gone by.

Taylor looked at Ryan out of the corner of her eye and when he was just staring off into space she sighed. "That would be great," she said knowing she looked disappointed turned and followed Spencer to the bar.

After a couple minutes gone by with nobody saying a word Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. "Well as much fun as this is…I think I'd rather go steal a glass of champagne."

Summer waited another minute before she broke. "So Ryan…what did you think of Spencer?"

"Um…looks like a nice guy," Ryan said slowly. He could tell by the disappointed look in her eye that he said the wrong thing but he couldn't just say that he wanted to punch the guy. That he hated watching Taylor smile at him. That he hated that Taylor brought a date.

"Well he is," Summer said smiling smugly. "He teaches tennis on the weekends but he's going to college…pre law. He'll definitely be able to support Taylor to the life style she is best suited for."

"Summer," Seth said grabbing her arm. He knew he had to get her away from Ryan or she would blow her whole plan and then would blame it on him. "I see my Mom motioning for you, I wonder what she wants. Why don't you go check?" Seth waited until she was gone before he looked at Ryan sadly. "I know I know, I owe you way more than a hundred dollars."

"No dude, it's okay," Ryan said shaking his head. "I would have ended up coming anyway."

"Wow man that's cool of you," Seth said slapping his back. "But I'm going to leave before you change your mind."

Ryan stood there for a moment looking around but he watched Spencer lead Taylor out on the dance floor and all he could picture was his and Taylor's first dance. He wished he could go back to that moment before everything got weird and he didn't know how to talk to her. But instead he turned and made his way outside.

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Kaitlyn was actually enjoying herself after her second glass of champagne when she spotted Ryan heading outside. "Oh no you don't," she muttered setting her glass down on the bar as she took off after him.

"So you're just going to leave," Kaitlyn said walking up behind him when they both walked outside.

"What?" Ryan asked confused. He'd barely said two words to Kaitlyn since she'd moved back to Newport and the truth was, he didn't know how to talk to her. She didn't really look like Marissa but she still reminded him of her.

"I can't believe that you're leaving," Kaitlyn said shaking her head at him. "You weren't suppose to leave. You were suppose to get all jealous and turn into that Chino boy when you were presented with competition. What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ryan said getting even more confused.

"Taylor you moron," Kaitlyn said pushing his shoulder with both her hands. "She likes you but is willing to back off and give you that damn space you claim you need."

"So," Ryan said slowly.

"So Summer and I disagree," Kaitlyn said crossing her arms over her chest. "She shouldn't back off. That is everybody's problem now. They are all willing to back off what they want when they should push and push until they get what they want. Taylor likes you…you Ryan."

"I know," Ryan said softly closing his eyes. He knew she liked him, it was his feelings he was a little confused by. "But just because she likes me doesn't mean I like her."

"You are trying to tell me that you don't like Taylor at all," Kaitlyn said shocked. "I don't believe you. You liked Marissa after all the shit she put you through." Ryan stared at her totally surprised. "Oh don't look at me like that. Marissa may have been my sister but even I am aware of her faults. She caused so much drama and never owned up to it."

"She was more than that Kaitlyn," Ryan said glaring at her. "She loved me when I was just the boy from Chino. She loved me when I pulled dumb ass move after dumb ass move and she loved me after my brother tried to rape her."

"I know all that you idiot!" I yelled. "But she's also the same girl that tried to OD in an alley in Tijuana. She was also a drunk. She's also the girl that would do stupid stunt after stupid stunt knowing you'd be there to fix it." Kaitlyn shook her head. "I don't know how you can stand there and paint Marissa as this perfect girl. How you can remember just the good stuff and forget the bad?"

"Because she's dead Kaitlyn!" Ryan yelled. "She's dead and it won't help remembering all the shit she put me through. I don't want to remember the bad because I loved her so damn much and I need to remember the good for my own piece of mind."

Kaitlyn stood there silently for a moment. She finally nodded and turned to head back inside but paused in the doorway. "Okay then, you keep picturing the good moments. Keep loving the dead and forget the living. But Taylor won't wait forever Ryan. Or at least I hope she won't. She deserves better than that." She opened the door and said softly, "and so do you."

Ryan swore and kicked the wall of the club. He hated this, he hated remembering all the bad. He hated knowing that Marissa kept putting herself in impossible situations and then when they blew up in her face, she wanted his help. He hated that she had always looked at him like he was her savior instead of the love of her life. But most of all he hated that when he closed his eyes at night, he didn't even see her anymore. He saw Taylor.

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"Okay," Taylor said pulling away from Spencer. "I thought that when I removed your hands from my ass the first two times…you'd get the point. But I was wrong. I guess trust funds can't buy brains."

"Hey," Spencer said glaring at her. This Taylor chick was turning out to be more then a little different. She was turning out to be a real pain in his ass. "I don't need this."

"Then why don't you go," Taylor said wanting to scream. She had just spent twenty minutes being fondled by an ass and now she had a headache that was literally pounding to the beat of the music.

Spencer stared at her before nodding and walking away. He didn't need this. There were plenty of girls at this party who wanted to spend time with him and wanted his hands on their asses.

Taylor rolled her eyes and made her way back towards the bar. She needed a water and some aspirin. Hopefully they had some or she was going to start crying. She'd never had a headache this bad before. Well, she hadn't had one in a long time anyways.

"Taylor, I see you're still chasing away all the eligible men in Newport," Victoria said walking up so she was standing beside her daughter.

"Hi Mom," Taylor said closing her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew her headache was just about to get worse.

"So I hear you're staying with the Coopers," Victoria said smiling at the bartender as he handed her a drink. "You're that pathetic that you would move in with that tramp and her daughter."

"Julie Cooper is not a tramp," Taylor said glaring at her Mom. She hated when her Mom talked down about people that she didn't even really know. "She's a great woman who is dealing with a tragedy still. Give her a break."

"A tragedy Taylor," Victoria said smirking. "Her daughter was a drunk and was constantly making a fool of herself. She just got what was coming to her."

"I can't believe you just said that," Taylor said taking a step away from her Mother. "Marissa Cooper did not deserve to die just because she made a couple mistakes in her short life. You don't even know anything about it."

"Sure Taylor," Victoria said smiling at Kirsten who was staring at them from across the room. "So what's this I hear about you spending time with the Cohen's too. I thought you were married, where's your husband."

"In France," Taylor said grabbing a glass of champagne off a passing waiter. She downed it in one gulp and felt her body relaxing a bit. "I'm divorced Mom, if you'd care to take my calls you'd know that."

"I thought I made it clear when I told you I was done with you," Victoria said coldly.

"I know that," Taylor said shaking her head. She couldn't believe that this woman was her Mom. "I just wanted to know when I could come pick up the rest of my stuff. Then I'll be gone from your life forever."

"I'll have it sent to you," Victoria said.

"No," Taylor said shaking her head again. "I will pack up my own stuff thank you. Don't worry Mother, I'm only going to take the stuff that belongs to me. I'm not going to run off with any of the furniture or anything."

"I can't be too sure of that when you are spending time with Ryan Atwood," Victoria said seeing she'd guessed right when Taylor's eyes flashed.

"Taylor," Ryan said from behind her. He hadn't heard much of their conversation but by the look on Taylor's face, it wasn't going good. He hated watching her get bullied by her Mom and if he could help out in any way, he would.

"Ryan," she said wishing the floor would just swallow her up now.

"So I see I was right Taylor," Victoria said glaring at them. "I always thought you had too much of your father in you….seems I was right."

"Bye Mom," Taylor said watching her walk away. She turned to Ryan and sighed. "Sorry about that, my Mom can be a bit…well you know her. She's a witch."

"I just wished I could have interrupted sooner," Ryan said. "You shouldn't let her talk to you like that."

"What do you mean you should have interrupted sooner?" Taylor asked confused. But continued on before he could say anything. "Ryan I can handle my Mom. I mean, she's been my mom for 18 years."

"So that's why you let her talk down to you," Ryan said wanting to take back the words as soon as they left his mouth.

Taylor took a couple steps back. "You know what Ryan, please don't be so quick to judge my relationship with my Mom. She may be controlling, critical and well…a tad bitchy. But she's my mother and the only one I have. Some of us aren't blessed with having the perfect Mom adopt us." Taylor turned and walked away. She didn't need somebody telling her how to react to her Mom. She was doing the best she could.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everybody! I'm sorry it took me so long to update but life has been crazy. I'm sorry that this chapter is so short but after watching Thursday's episode I'm feeling a little down. I'm not happy that Taylor and Ryan aren't doing so good right now. Well, hopefully things will get better. So don't hate me, I'll try and update within the next couple days. Please review!**

**Chapter 7**

"Hey boys," Kirsten said walking into the kitchen the next morning. They'd all gotten in late last night and she was surprised to find them up so early.

"Great party last night Mom, it was really…hopping," Seth said sarcastically making Kirsten roll her eyes.

"Yeah nice party," Ryan said sounding distracted. He had been up all night thinking about what Taylor said. He didn't have a right to say anything about her relationship with her Mother. Look at his relationship with his Mother, it was definitely dysfunctional. He was pretty lucky that he found Kirsten. He just wished Taylor had found someone like Kirsten too.

"It was pretty good," Kirsten agreed smiling. "I just wish one invitation would have gotten lost in the mail."

"Who's?" Seth asked curiously as he munched on a bagel.

"Victoria Townsend's," Kirsten said making a face. "I sent her one hoping she would talk to Taylor nicely since it was in public but I was wrong. That woman sure does know how to make a scene."

"She's a real…piece of work," Ryan said almost saying something else. But Kirsten didn't like cursing so he just said it in his head.

"It was nice of you to intercede though before she could say anything else," Kirsten said smiling at Ryan. "Taylor looked like she was handling herself okay but I'm glad you interrupted when you did."

"Well at least somebody is," Ryan muttered. When Kirsten and Seth just looked at him he sighed and admitted, "Taylor wasn't too happy that I interrupted. She said she was handling it basically and I was too quick to judge."

"What'd you say?" Kirsten asked confused.

"Just that she shouldn't let her Mom talk to her that way," Ryan said seriously. "And I still stand by that. Taylor is amazing and she shouldn't let her Mom put her down."

"Well sometimes you just have to accept that people are the way they are and I have a feeling that Taylor knows who her Mom is and she just accepts it," Kirsten said pouring herself a cup of coffee. "I'm not saying you were wrong for saying it, Victoria is too hard on Taylor." She took a sip and set the cup down before continuing. "I'm just surprised that Taylor turned out okay. It's amazing that she isn't…well…mean like Victoria."

"Taylor mean, no never," Seth said making Ryan and Kirsten smile. They both were remembering how she use to be towards Summer and Marissa.

"She's changed though," Ryan said softly.

"She's changed or maybe you're just getting to know the real her this time," Kirsten said picking her cup back up. "I'll talk to you two later."

Ryan watched Kirsten leave the room and sighed. "I have to get to work now too."

"Wait bro," Seth said grabbing his arm. "I've invited Summer over for Chrismukkah but she says she's not comfortable leaving Taylor home alone."

"Julie and Kaitlyn will be there," Ryan said slowly. He could already see where this was going and he didn't like being backed into a corner.

"No they won't, they are going to be over here too," Seth said. "Now I know you are trying to stay away from Taylor because she likes you and everything but even I think it's sad she's going to be all alone on Chrismukkah."

"Are you asking me to invite her over?" Ryan asked interrupting Seth before he laid any more of a guilt trip.

"Well Summer would but we both know Taylor will say no unless you invite her and tell her that you want her here," Seth pointed out.

"So you want me to lie," Ryan replied.

"Well no…but…would it really be a lie?" Seth asked finally. He hurried on when Ryan started to look angry. "Look, I don't want to make you mad but even I see the way you look at her Ryan. I also know how your mind works and you have this insane idea that liking Taylor is a bad thing. Which I also understand because we are talking about Taylor Townsend but….getting back to the topic on hand. Now I've sat back and let you go your way but you aren't happy man."

"She hasn't even been dead a year and you want me to jump into a relationship with Taylor," Ryan said genuinely surprised that Seth was saying this to him. He had thought out of everybody Seth would have been the one to just let him work through everything on his own.

"He's not saying that," Summer said walking into the room. "What he is saying is that is hanging out with Taylor really such a bad thing Ryan? She makes you laugh and you haven't been doing enough of that lately." Summer smiled sadly. "Truth is I've been wrestling with the same thoughts that you've been having. Marissa was my best friend, my very best friend. Nobody can take her place but Taylor…she's wormed her way into my heart now too. She's my best friend too now."

"I know that," Ryan said his turn to shake his head. "But…"

"Just do one thing for me," Summer interrupted him. "Go see her today, talk to her, and see for yourself if you are just a tiny bit happy when you're with her. See for yourself what everybody else has been seeing. Just talk to her Ryan. Give her a chance."

Ryan stood up and walked out of the room without answering her. He didn't know if he would do what she asked. The truth was he did notice how much easier it was to breath and just be alive when he was with Taylor. She made everything seem a bit brighter when he was with her but most days he liked the darkness.

"Do you think he'll do it?" Seth asked after a minute.

"I don't know," Summer said honestly. "It took me awhile to accept that it was okay to have another best friend. For Ryan….it'll probably take twice as long."


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry it's taken so long guys but I've finally updated, yeah me!!! I loved all the reviews I've gotten and it makes me so happy to see people liking Ryan and Taylor together. Oh and did anyone think that Ryan and Taylor were adorable last Thursday night. Taylor stalking Ryan and then Ryan attempting to stalk Taylor. I loved it when she said that was the most romantic thing he could have done. Hilarious!!! **

**But back to the story!! R and R please!!!!!**

**Chapter 8**

Ryan was walking along the boardwalk later that day Summer's words running through his head.

_Marissa was my best friend, my very best friend. Nobody can take her place but Taylor…she's wormed her way into my heart now too. She's my best friend too now_

God Summer was right about that. Marissa had been an amazing friend. She'd stood by Ryan even when she'd probably would have been better off steering clear of him. Their relationship had been a rollercoaster with way too many ups and downs for the both of them. Not that a relationship with Taylor would be nice and easy either. He had a feeling that a relationship between the two of them was bound to be interesting.

_What he is saying is that is hanging out with Taylor really such a bad thing Ryan? She makes you laugh and you haven't been doing enough of that lately_

Man did Taylor make him laugh. She could be so ridiculous and such a girl but then turn around and say something completely normal. He could honestly admit that the past couple days with Taylor had been like having a piece of himself back that he'd thought was gone forever.

_Go see her today, talk to her, and see for yourself if you are just a tiny bit happy when you're with her._

Ryan could admit that he wanted to see Taylor. He wanted to hear her rambling on about nothing in particular. To see her smile and laugh when he attempted to crack another lame joke. He didn't have to spend time with Taylor to know that he was different with her. She made him feel special.

_See for yourself what everybody else has been seeing. Just talk to her Ryan. Give her a chance._

Ryan leaned against the fence that separated the beach from the boardwalk. He knew Summer was right. He had to talk to Taylor. He didn't know what was going to happen between them but he had to at least see if they could have anything. Even a friendship.

It took him ten minutes to get to Summer's house. It was the longest ten minutes of his life. He rang the doorbell but when nobody responded in seconds he started banging on the door. He barely acknowledged Kaitlyn when she opened the door.

"Sorry I have to talk to Taylor," he said heading towards the stairs.

"Problem," Kaitlyn said loudly. When she finally had Ryan's attention she continued on. "She's not here."

"Where is she?" Ryan asked walking slowly back down the stairs.

"She's at her Mom's place," Kaitlyn said shuddering at the thought of being in Victoria Townsend's presence. "Something about picking up the rest of her stuff."

"Great thanks," Ryan said jogging back out the door.

"Your welcome," Kaitlyn said rolling her eyes. But she was smiling as she headed back to her room. Maybe Taylor was going to get her happy ending after all.

Ryan barely remembered how to get to Victoria Townsend's house but he sighed in relief when he saw Taylor's car in the driveway, he'd remembered. He rang the doorbell but this time held himself back before he started banging on the door. He prayed that Taylor answered the door but groaned when Victoria stood before him.

"Mr. Atwood," Victoria said crossing her arms over her chest. "To what do I owe the displeasure?"

"Ms. Townsend I'm just here to talk to Taylor," Ryan said pleasantly. He mentally patted himself on the back for not saying something sarcastic.

"She's busy," Victoria said moving to shut the door.

"I think I'd like to hear her say that for herself," Ryan said sticking his foot in the doorway so she couldn't shut the door all the way.

"Excuse me but this is my house," Victoria said glaring at him.

"I just want to talk to Taylor," Ryan said again this time not so pleasantly.

"And I told you she's busy," Victoria said trying to push the door closed but Ryan wasn't moving his foot.

"Taylor!" Ryan yelled into the house.

"You need to leave now," Victoria said really trying to shut the door now.

"Taylor!" Ryan yelled again.

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Taylor looked around her old bedroom at all the trophy's and awards that meant next to nothing to her now. Her life was so pathetic that instead of having pictures and inside jokes decorating her room she had meaningless trophy's for competitions she didn't even remember. She didn't even stuffed animals or posters of an old teen celebrity crush hanging up. Her life was pathetic.

She went to her desk and saw her last yearbook sitting on the top of a pile of old notebooks and smiled sadly. She was in the yearbook, probably had the most pictures in it to tell the truth but only because she was a member of every organization known to exist. There wasn't a picture of her posing with a friend or even a picture of her having actual fun. She tossed the yearbook into the trash can beside her desk and started throwing the notebooks in there too.

Taylor was wiping away a stray tear that she wasn't capable of holding back when the doorbell peeled. She shook her head as she pictured her mother's latest conquest coming to pick her up for whatever. At least she'd be leaving her alone.

Taylor walked over to her nightstand and set the only picture she had in the box she'd brought with to collect her things. It was from when she was a toddler, she was holding a sunflower and smiling cheesy for the camera. That was the last time she could honestly admit to being truly happy. It was only a few weeks after that when her dad had left them and never looked back. There weren't many pictures being taken after that.

"Taylor!"

Taylor looked toward the door expecting to see Ryan standing in the door but was confused when she didn't see him. She was making her way out of her room when she heard him call her name again.

"Ryan?" she asked confused. She hurried down the stairs and saw her mom trying to shut the door but Ryan was holding it open. "What are you doing here?"

"Kaitlyn told me you were here," Ryan said relaxing when Victoria quit pushing against the door.

"So," Taylor said still looking confused.

"I need to talk to you," Ryan said after a moment of silence had gone by.

Taylor stared at him for a moment. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he had to say but she didn't run from things so she wasn't going to start now. "Okay," she said simply. She looked at her mother and could see the indecision in her eyes and she wanted to believe that she was trying to protect her but in reality she probably didn't want Ryan in her house. "Let him in, we'll be gone in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes," Victoria said before striding away.

Taylor rolled her eyes but she turned and headed back towards the stairs. "You can talk while I pack," she said over her shoulder.

Ryan took a deep breath before following her up the stairs. He stepped into Taylor's room and froze in the doorway. "Whoa," he mumbled looking all the trophy's and awards.

"Yeah I know," Taylor said making a face. "Somebody was obviously an over achiever."

"You should be proud of them," Ryan said walking over to the wall that had awards in place of posters and pictures. "You're really smart."

"Real proud," Taylor agreed sarcastically. She opened her closet and looked at the few meager possessions she had in there. She pulled out the few clothes she had left and tossed them on the bed.

"Where's the rest of the boxes?" Ryan asked after he watched her throw some things on the bed.

"Why?" Taylor asked whipping around so she was facing him.

"I'll help you pack," Ryan said motioning to her room. "If you only have ten minutes we have a lot of work to do."

"Oh I'm not taking most of this," Taylor said shaking her head. She turned back to the closet to grab the few things left. "All the furniture is my moms."

"But what about the rest the stuff," Ryan said confused.

"I don't want it," Taylor said quietly but loud enough so Ryan could hear. "It's not something I want to look at every day and all of it was won for my Mom. She can have it."

"Taylor…" Ryan said slowly trying to find the words.

"No Ryan," Taylor said before stopping so she could take a deep breath. "I know you don't understand. But I don't it. All of this stuff just reminds me of a time in my life that I'm trying to forget. I'm not proud of them."

"You should be," Ryan insisted.

"For being a freak," Taylor said facing him again. "Do you even know what it took for me to win over half this stuff? I was reading books in French at the age of 5. I took summer school ever year of my life. I didn't do anything except study and read books about things that don't even matter now. I didn't have friends and I wouldn't have known what to do with friends had I had them."

"You are not a freak," Ryan said walking over so he was standing in front of her.

"Ryan you didn't even know me for most of my life," Taylor said knowing she looked pathetic. "I was a freak. But I'm working on it, I have been since I saw what having friends and a life looked like."

"Us," Ryan said referring to Seth, Summer, Marissa and himself.

"You don't even realize how lucky you are," Taylor said shaking her head. "But now that I know what having friends is like, I'm never going to revert back to that pathetic excuse for a person I use to be."

Ryan watched as Taylor started folding the clothes and setting him in the single box in the room. He looked around her room one more time before he decided to take that chance he'd been thinking about.

"Do you know why I'm here?" he asked.

"You wanted to talk to me," Taylor said not even looking at him.

"Summer told me you were backing off," Ryan said before mentally slapping himself. That might not have been the best opening.

"Doesn't surprise me," was all Taylor said.

"I don't want you too," Ryan finally said getting it out. He watched as Taylor turned to stare at him. "I don't want you to stay away from me and leave when I enter a room. I want us to hang out. I want to explore this thing."

"What thing?" Taylor asked softly.

Ryan closed his eyes. She was going to make him spell it out. He opened them to find Taylor hadn't even moved, it didn't even look like she was breathing. "This thing where I think about you constantly. Where I can't imagine going to another boring Newport Party without you. Every time I picture you you're wearing that red dress that damn near gave me a heart attack." When she just stared at him he smiled self consciously. "I just want to spend some time with you."

"Why?" Taylor asked looking genuinely confused.

"Because you make me laugh," Ryan said walking towards her. "Because you are beautiful. Because I'm sick of just existing. I want to be happy and I want to live."

"I'm not Marissa," Taylor said quickly before Ryan could touch her. "I'm never going to be Marissa."

"You could never be Marissa," Ryan said shaking his head. But quickly added, "but that's a good thing. You could never be Marissa because you are Taylor. I like you just the way you are. I don't want another Marissa."

"Are you sure Ryan because I can't do this two steps forward and ten steps back anymore?" Taylor asked before Ryan shut her up with his lips. She froze but was quickly drawn into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and turned her head so they had better access.

She hadn't been kissed like this ever in her life. Her ex-husband could kiss but Ryan could have given him lessons. She finally pulled away because she needed air and was surprised to find her knees weak. "Oh wow," she mumbled laying her head on Ryan's chest.

He smiled into her hair. "You can say that again."

"Oh wow," Taylor said before she looked up at him with a small smiled on her face. "Did that really just happen?"

"Yeah, it did," Ryan said giving her one last kiss. He pulled away this time and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "Now how 'bout we finish packing your stuff up and then we'll go hang out."

Taylor couldn't help but remember the last time they had hung out and she was a little afraid to have it end the same way. But if Ryan was able to take a chance than she had to take on too. She finally nodded her head and watched as Ryan started tossing the stuff on her bed into the box and took a deep breath before helping him finish up the last of it. She looked around the room one last time before nodding her head. "That's everything."

"Lets go," Ryan said picking up the box. He followed Taylor out of the room and down the stairs. He looked around for Victoria but she was no where to be seen. He carried the box to Taylor's car and set in the trunk. He grabbed her arm gently before she could get into her car. "One for the road," he mumbled against her lips as he gave her another heart melting kiss.

"I don't know if I can drive," Taylor teased after they both pulled away. She couldn't stop staring at him. When she woke up that morning she never would have thought that Ryan would be kissing her. She had thought they were over…before they even got started. She watched as he jogged over to his car and got into hers. She didn't know what they were or if they even were anything. But she was content to know that Ryan wanted her, Taylor Townsend, and that was enough to put a smile on her face for the rest of the day.

* * *

**Now this could be the end but I'll let you decide. Do you want me to end it here or continue on and make it longer with Ryan/Taylor moments. I have ideas for more but I also think it could end here. So let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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